


Star Dust

by sad_mad_rad



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Generally Sad As Hell, Grieving, M/M, Major GOTG 2 Spoiler, Regrets, Strong Language, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 20:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10929648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_mad_rad/pseuds/sad_mad_rad
Summary: In the end it's a lack of oxygen that kills you.





	Star Dust

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Звёздная пыль](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/290883) by madnessfk. 



When you’re thrown into outer space your body, in fact, doesn’t explode. This is just a stupid myth that was invented for the sake of movie dynamics. But Kraglin saw enough bodies dangling in the cold cosmic abyss to know what was happening at such moments.

When you’re thrown into outer space you suffocate. You can feel the crust of rind slowly covering your skin, the ice that closes your eyes forever, painful expand of your lungs that are now restrained only by your own skin, how your body puffs up like a balloon while your saliva is boiling on the tongue, – you feel this all those fifteen seconds while you’re still conscious, but in the end the absence of air kills you. Not immediately, of course. You have a few minutes before your brain dies, but you won’t be here already.

You have a few minutes for someone to turn on the gravitational beam and pull you out, but no one will do it. You will suffocate, and you will freeze, and you will die, and your fucking multi-colored ashes will be dispelled all over the fucking universe, the vacuum that strangled you.

Kraglin had a few minutes to save Yondu, but he didn’t do it. He wants to think that it's all his fault, grieving people tend to find all possible and impossible ways to blame themselves for what happened. I had to help him earlier, Kraglin thinks. I shouldn’t let him on this damned planet in the first place, Kraglin thinks. I had to keep him away from Pete and his team as far as possible, on the other end of infinity if it’s desirable. The problem is that as much as Kraglin tries to blame himself, it's all breaks of one thing: to go to the planet, to stick to Peter, to die – it was all up to the captain to decide. And even if by some miracle Kraglin managed to go back in time to prevent all this from happening, the only answer he would receive would be "who the fuck do you think you are?", – and then Yondu would continue to do everything his own way.

To die in his own way.

Kraglin is more than sure that the last thought that flushed in Yondu’s choking and freezing consciousness was something like "well, it's fine, I’m okay with this". It makes Kraglin shiver, but it's good because now he can blame it on the anger and not the fact that he simply can’t find the right position in the space at which he will finally stop shaking.

Kraglin puts his forehead against the cool glass of the porthole, with start floating on the other side of it. Yondu is out, he thinks mechanically. His body, disassembled by the tongues of the flame into millions of ash scales, is smeared over a tiny piece of infinity and spreads farther and farther with every moment. Yondu is out there, between comets, between supernovas, between black holes, Yondu – star dust. They all once were, their entire universe was once nothing but star dust, and then its’ specks began to gather into planets, in cities, in cats, in jackets, in poles, in galaxies, in people – just to become dust again. Only to gather into something one day. Only to become dust again. In the universe everything is very simple: you are either dust or you are not. From infinity’s point of view everything else doesn’t matter.

Maybe the dust in which Yondu was turned will one day also become a star. Or a bullet. Or blood. And, if they’re very lucky, sometime in a hundred billion years, when Kraglin himself will forever fall apart into atoms, their specks of dust will become molecules in the body of the same cat.

Kraglin can’t help but grin to this thought. Or maybe it's just another uncontrolled whimper that bursts from his throat – now he can’t understand the difference anymore. He touches the tip of the arrow with his thumb until the point where metal almost pierce the flesh. Kraglin thinks he probably won’t even have time to feel it.  
He's not going to kill himself. He thought about it, but he won’t. Mostly because when he starts to think about it too much, he unwillingly imagines what Yondu would say about this he would say about this. Something like "you'll get over it", – because you’re the only one here who is allowed to kill himself, right, Captain?

He’s not going to kill himself, but he doesn’t know what to do with his life either.

He still has those hundred billion years before they will meet as the molecules of that cat. It’s time to start waiting, probably.

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt to translate something from Russian into English and not the other way around. Tell me if I made any grammar mistakes, it sure will be appreciated.


End file.
